Whimsy: Joyful Rebellion, an act of self love
I've always been quite whimsical. I had an odd way about me... as far as thinking goes, I embraced my whimsical ways early on. However, after becoming a mother, I became a version of me I didn’t recognize– and not in that “ change is good” sort of way. It was as if I was engulfed and consumed by what others were expecting of me now that I was a mother. I even felt less desirable, feeling the need to cover up, limit my thoughts on things, and it became just a bit isolating. I used to wear cut up shirts, mid-drifts, crop tops. As a dancer, I was so confident and artistic. And I walked around as such. But when I became a mother for the first time– and even though I was quite young, family, elders and strangers gave unsolicited advice to me when they saw me walking down the street with Jade in tow. I felt, okay maybe they are right, I shouldn't be so wild and free, my hair ought to be polished and straight, I felt I had to present in a certain way to conform to what was an ideal look for a mother: covered up, presenting prim and proper as a representation of this child's mother. Worst of all, I allowed them to make me feel this way, it wasn’t that it was something that was actually true for me. And so, I walked around years of uncertainty after I had Jade. Years 1-5, felt that I had lost just a bit of myself and my personality to conform to what I was allowing others to let me believe a mother should be.
What parts of yourself did you have to tuck away when you became a mother? What parts have you tucked away in general? Did you stop wearing bright colors? Did you feel like you had to cover up when you dressed, did you start filtering your confidence?
What is the cost of conformity? The slow deterioration of joy, the absence of smiles and laughter, the feeling in the pit of your soul that you’d rather be doing something else, and that there is more to life than being a mother and completing the daily tasks. Remember that you were someone before these children, remembering you ARE a hottie underneath all these conformities, and that yes! You can wear your ripped shirt and that yes I will wear my crop tops and be body positive of this baby belly that hasn't gone away in 15 years! Even Kimora Lee Simmons made a fortune out of this very idea that we can take this stigma of weight gain for mommies and turn it into fashion and acceptance with Baby Phat.
A shift came through for me, when I felt so low, without the color and brightness of my wardrobe, my boring straight hair and the lack of art and creativity around me. Finally, I shed that polished mentality and decided that I was going to be happy again. I began dancing again, writing music, poetry and let go of many people who didn’t serve value in my life. I began living my authentic life, like me, odd Nancy. It was then, I remembered exactly the life I wanted to live, and that this baby here was not the end all be all of things. Realizing that I didn't have to lose myself, in fact, it helped shape the relationship even more, and led me to be an even greater force in parenting and raising Jade. Why I allowed people to make me feel the need to conform, I think, is something that plagues us all at some point in our lives. This need to be seen and accepted by the majority. Your most true, unedited self is not a flaw to be fixed—it's the fuel you need to thrive. Your only job is to be YOU. Not to be Comfortable for Others. I encourage you all to find your whimsy! And by the way, for the non-believers, whimsy isn't childish or irresponsible; it's a deliberate defense mechanism against the exhaustion and misery you observed– joyful rebellion if you will. I know now that I wouldn't really want to be the way that others want me to be.. I like this way better. The acceptance of self is the greatest liberation. The hardest part is figuring out what your 'true self' even sounds like after years of holding in your silent cries. That's why I created a safe space to start. Don’t ever forget your VIBEs, because it’s within you!
What's one small, weirdly wonderful part of your "True Self" you are refusing to shrink today? Share your piece of whimsy in the comments!