I AM Mother... and I Am Smothered: Why Your Creative Cries Are Essential Wellness

What we know as mothers, is that it requires—no it demands— that we be all the things: fierce protector, gentle nurturer, tireless provider. But what happens to the person underneath that powerful armor? I am a single mother of two children ages 15 and 6. Each day I am managing the day to day of their lives, mine and when I arrive at work, as a senior operations manager, I manage staff requests, liaising between departments and programs. Truthfully, I do it well. In fact, most may never truly know the burnout that I go through on somedays. Each day, time is of the essence. On a tight schedule, up by 5am, getting everyone to school by 8am, in to work earlier than I need to be by 8:30 am. The full day(9-5), socializing, inputting data, consulting, analyzing assisting supporting. Then follows, after work, a pick up of the youngest child at 5:30pm and then dinner, bath time, reading, homework (bonding in between which consists of dance parties with the 6 year old, listening to teen issues with the 15 year old, and her ghost/ horror movie- connected to the real world theory— which always send me over with laughter internally, as I keep a straight face, nodding my head in agreement because, oh, she’s serious. By 9pm everyone’s down for the count and I stare into space thinking “oh my.. what to do now. If I sleep now from the exhaustion of the day, I’m going to miss out on me time!” And so, my thoughts begin to brew, that I must choose myself because I have the time for it, and rest, that will come once I lay my head against my pillow. I am a warrior, gentle, tough, times get rough.. but I AM mother. The warrior stance is exhausting! We tell ourselves we must be strong, yet we are also dealing with the things that no one sees... undervalued, in the background, but way up front." This duality creates an anxious pressure that needs release. Are we ready we admit a deep truth? That sometimes, the silent internal cries…they…do…SMOTHER. True self-care for a mother is not just rest; it's giving voice to the truth of the struggle. If we don't release that pressure, the weight of the role will inevitably lead to the feeling of angst, and losing yourself as the beautiful woman you are! I wrote the poem below as an act of unsmothering, for I too, was nearly over the edge. I wrote it not as an artistic pursuit but as a survival mechanism—a way to fight back against the pressure. This poem came out of me one night when the 'silent internal cries' felt like they were winning. Writing it was the first time I allowed those true feelings to have space.

I AM Mother, by me, Nancy Martinez.

I AM mother,

I am fierce, I am sensitive, I AM mother ,

I am a warrior, gentle, tough, times get rough.. but I AM mother. 

I am Mother. I am tired, I am through with it, I get through it . .. I run from it… and I run to it.. 

I AM mother. day to day .. little pay.. struggles staples. I am Mother.

From the things that no one sees… the bratty teens … undervalued, in the background, but way up front 

I AM MOTHER

None other

and the silent internal cries…they…do… SMOTHER.

Realize that creative expression is an act of "unsmothering." When you create, you are actively choosing to honor the personal, messy truth that the world tells you to keep silent. It is a necessary act of emotional processing and wellness. And mama, you deserve it, you’ve worked hard and you deserve it. Here’s a call to action if you’ll have it! Get into your V.I.B.E.S. Head over to the products section and check out my Three Creative Prompts for the Overwhelmed Mom. Whether you sit with a glass of wine, a cup of water or coffee, this is for YOU! Until next time, this is your friend, Nancy Martinez.